------ Forwarded Message
From: Klein Attorneys <Klein Attorneys9@msn.com>
Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2012 10:49:21 -0600
To: Eagle Attorneys <Eagle Attorneys@jaynobledaggett.com>
Subject: RE: Settlement?
Please, Please, Please lets let bygones be bygones and dont sue us. Please, Please, Please. Mr. Klein will do anything.
Eagle associates have tracked the tracking of the email back to Klein attorneys and are convinced it is genuine. After a discussion with our legal team, headed by the honorable Jay Noble Daggett, Esquire, we post the following demands:
1) Mr. Klein will appear on national television and issue a public apology to everyone he has wrongfully maligned on his website. We realize that this will take several days but that is his problem. He will admit that everything he has ever said or posted on the internet is a lie and then will eat one large, uncooked crow, feathers and all. He does not have to eat all the bones but he must eat some of them, particularly the smaller ones that could get stuck in his throat.
2) Mr. Klein will pay the sum of.....................................................
ONE MILLION DOLLARS .......................................... to a charity chosen by talk show host Ellen Degeneres.
3) Mr. Klein will refrain from engaging in any coital relationship with any mammal, reptile, insect, or large member of the plant kingdom for a period of no less than 72 hours.
4) Mr. Klein must continue to wear those black uber-dork glasses in public.
5) Mr. Klein must perform 500 hours of community service at KFDM.
6) The Southeast Texas Political Review website will be put up for auction with all proceeds going to a charity chosen by us here at the Review. When it doesn't sell, he will remove all self serving posts and links and display pictures of flowers, puppies, kittens, and play soothing music.
7) He will publicly acknowledge that THIS is one of his corporate bankruptcies.
8) He will apologize to the Westbrook Girls Soccer Team for calling the children injured and killed in the tragic bus crash "smelly little girls."
9) He will apologize to his ex-wife for not paying his child support and will issue a like apology to Judge Larry Thorne for having to make him pay his child support.
10) From now on, Mr. Klein must wear a large, red L (for liar) or I (for idiot) on his shirt. This must be visible from at least 100 feat. If it is cold and he wears a jacket, he must wear the letter on his jacket. If he chooses to wear no shirt, we are not concerned because people will either cover their eyes or run in fear.
11) Mr. Klein's last name will be legally changed to Kliar. He can keep Philip.
11) And lastly, he will forever hereafter be forbidden to use the internet for any purpose including but not limited to the viewing of photographs or videos of naked animals.
