In what is being described as nothing short of a miracle, BP CEO Tony Hayward announced today that oil coming from the Deepwater Horizon well has completely stopped leaking.
"I am happy to say that everything is under control." Hayward told a group of reporters over the weekend.
What's even more amazing is that all the oil that had leaked from the well since the April 20th blowout has completely disappeared.
"I can't explain it." Said a caller who didn't call the Review last night at 2:34 a.m.. "Its all gone. Every little tarball."
BP engineers and Coast Guard officials have tried for almost three months to contain the oil gushing from the damaged well but all their efforts have been unsuccessful. "The answer was right there all the time, right under our noses. We just didn't think of it." Hayward announced.
Utilizing a process called 'reverse spoofing', a technique involving a non-credible person intentionally telling the truth in anticipation that it will be perceived as a lie, British Petroleum officials engaged Philip r. Klein, editor of The Southeast Texas Political Review to publicly announce that the Deepwater Horizon oil spill was the worst environmental disaster in the history of the United States and that oil was in fact contaminating all the beaches along the Gulf Coast.
"Nobody believes Klein." said Doug Suttles, head of BP's capping and cleanup operations. "We figured if he told the actual truth about something, it would have the reverse effect. It was a gamble and it paid off."Monitors, monitoring the monitors of the oil spill watched on closed circuit television monitors as Philip r. Klein, editor, began discussing the horrific effects the oil spill was having on Gulf Coast wildlife when suddenly the oil simply disappeared.
"It was amazing." Said a monitor monitoring a monitor. "It was as if everything that came out of his mouth immediately became a lie."
Scientists around the world are astonished at the success of 'reverse spoofing' and are considering using the process for the treatment of cancer, global warming, and dealing with the popularity of Canadian pop sensation Justin Beiber.
