BREAKING NEWS!!!! Local pomeranian commits suicide!!!!!

A shocking story today as a young pomeranian commits suicide outside a local Port Neches Dairy Queen. According to eyewitnesses, who shall remain anonymous (because they don’t really exist), "Lucy", as she was known to area residents, threw herself in front of the screeching tires of a 1997 Chevrolet suburban early this afternoon, ending her tumultuous life.
"I was just picking up a Blizzard with the extra chocolate sauce" said Sheila Delia, a frequent customer to the restaurant; "when this sweet little dog came up, her tail just a waggin’. Then, without a word, she walked in front of the oncoming car. I was aghast!"
Horace Van de Gelder of Bridge City was driving the suburban when ‘Lucy’ strolled out into the street. "She looked right at me and smiled" He said, tears in his eyes. "It was as if she was saying…….’Its over…….’"
Marshals from the Port Neches Police, Fire and Ditch Digging Brigade investigated the scene and found a crudely written note that read simply…..’THEY won’t leave me alone……I can’t go on…..somebody do something……where did THEY get this idiotic hat and why did THEY tie it to my head?’ Lucy’s paw print was imprinted on the bottom.
"It’s truly a tragedy." Said FBI agent Ceya Lader. "She was so young……so innocent…..who could drive such a sweet creature to such a demise?"
A tragedy for the Day
Sam the Eagle