The Sam the Eagle Political Review has learned that The Southeast Texas Political Review has learned that the Sam the Eagle Political Review is reporting that The Southeast Texas Political Review (you're not going to stop doing this shit are you?) is reporting that county employees, dressed as monsters, are assaulting citizens of Jefferson County and stealing candy from their doors."Et iz kerrrupchion!" Said Philip r. Klein, editor, in an exclusive interview with the Review over the weekend.
Klein, who has taken some heat lately HERE, claims that he has bags of evidence that prove the citizens of Jefferson County were forced to give candy to strangely dressed individuals over the weekend. Sources close to the incident didn't tell the Review that some three hundred pounds of candies and sweets were brought into Klein Investigations, The Team to Call When You Really Want to Waste Your Money, for "testing."
"Philip has the candy and once he's proved that its real candy...and then eaten it, he'll show the world the corruption." Said a source that demanded we not tell you that they don't exist.
Our take?
WOW! Simply WOW! Just another day of corruption in the most corrupt corrupted county in the county.
In other news.....
Authorities are searching for this man, described as approximately six feet tall, three hundred to three hundred and twenty pounds, and in his early fifties, in relation
to a series of trick or treat related robberies."I was going to Mrs. Robinson's house when this big scary man jumped out from behind a bush and made me empty my pumpkin into a large garbage bag." Said four year old Jenny Darnbash who went as a princess for Halloween. "He was very scary."
"He took all my gummy worms and was screaming about corruption." Said Jenny's brother Daniel, who was dressed as a pirate. "He wore a big blue shirt and smelled really funny...kinda like rotten corn water. I think he was supposed to be that guy in Sling Blade."
If you have any information regarding this or any other crime, please contact the authorities.
