There is terror in the streets of Jefferson County this week as citizens hid in their homes wondering if their private thoughts were being monitored.

"I just can't believe that......what was I just saying." Said a caller to the Review late last night.

Last Thursday, Philip r. Klein, editor, announced to the Port Arthur Rotary Club that he was in fact monitoring their activities on the internet and knew their innermost thoughts and secrets. This revelation prompted all the South County Rotarians to commit suicide post the luncheon in a grisly scene that was described by witnesses as "very smelly".

"Apparently Mr. Klein has found a way to use the internet to spy on individuals." Said Dr. Roger Corby, chief researcher at ITITPESTPKCSOU (Is The Internet That Powerful Enough So That Philip Klein Can Spy On Us). "I suspect he has found a way to bridge the neurons in his own mind with the intricate circuitry of his computer. Perhaps using some sort of catalyst.....like maybe Jack Daniels." Corby added.

Other citizens aren't taking any chances.

"My friends and I are prepared for Mr. Philip r. Klein, editor." Said little Jenny Darnbash. "Mr. Klein said he was watching us on the internet late at night when his wife was asleep. I thought that was weird so we made special hats so that he couldn't tell where we were."

Our take?

Just another typical day in the most corrupt county in the county.