Local Youth Seeks Long Lost Father

A local youth, orphaned after his mother was killed in a tragic grass cutting accident, is seeking the community's help in finding his long lost father.

Philippe Gruff, a half boy, half goat mix was abandoned by his natural father shortly after his birth. "Ey navar nu hem." Philippe told the Review in a phone call over the weekend.

Raised by his mother in a pasture south of Hemphill, the young goatboy's life changed abruptly when his mother strayed too close to an industrial mower last month. "There wasn't even enough left for a good stew." Said a local farmer who lied and said that he had witnessed the accident. Friends and neighbors offered to raise Philippe however he was determined to find his long lost father.

"Ey no hee well luv ma.' Philippe told reporters covering the story.

Scouring local records and receipts from area all you can eat buffets, Philippe has discovered several clues about the whereabouts of his natural father.

"We think he was originally from the northeast, perhaps New Jersey." Said a child services worker that has been helping Philippe. "Also, Philippe's mother wore a locket around her neck inscribed with the word 'CORRUPTION'. We're not sure exactly what it means, but Philippe recalls his mother saying that it was very important to his father."

Anyone having any information regarding the identity of Philippe Gruff's father is asked to contact us here at the Review.

DISCLAIMER: The above story is a public service announcement of the Sam the Eagle Political Review. Any implications or inferences that Philip r. Klein has engaged in sexual relations with a farm animal are purely intentional.