What started as a friendly Labor Day weekend street ball game turned violent yesterday, leaving nearly half a dozen with bloody noses and black eyes and sending at least ten to their rooms for the rest of the day. Jason "Butch" Patrick and Little Johnny Danforth spent the better part of Saturday morning rounding up local neighborhood children for a softball game on a quiet Nederland Street. "We were just playing ball." Said five year old Coots McGraw "When Abby hit a pop fly into Mr. Klunk's yard. That's what we call him...Mr. Klunk, cause he's goofy. And he was outside with this funny box and he wouldn't give the ball back."Sources who didn't call the Review late last night stated that local home owner and editor of the Southeast Texas Political Review, Philip Klein, was standing in his driveway wiring his landscaping with infrared sensors when the errant softball landed nearby. "He picked up the ball, held it for a moment, sniffed it, and then yelled at the kids demanding that they tell him who Gus Pillsbury really was." said a witness to the event.
"I told him I had an uncle Gus, but that he was dead." stated nine year old Shyla Norris. "He didn't believe me and threatened to track me on the internet. My mom won't let me use the computer until I'm ten so I guess I'm OK."
When Klein refused to return the softball, several of the older children began throwing pebbles at the numerous closed circuit video cameras placed about his yard. "He got pissed and started chasing us." said game organizer Johnny Danforth. "He wasn't very fast though. The only one he could really catch was 'Nooky' Jones and that's cause he has that clubbed foot."
Sources without knowledge of the incident told the Review that Klein managed to pin one of the boys to the ground and demanded he tell him where he could find Gus Pillsbury and Sam the Eagle. The other children quickly came to his aid, jumping on Klein's back and pulling his hair.
"He smelled like crap mixed in with boiled cabbage." Said an unidentified child. "And his hair was greasy too. Dad made me wash my hands three times."
Local neighbors responding to Klein's cries of "corruption" managed to break up the fight with a garden hose.
Our take?
Just another day in the most corrupt county in Texas.
