In a bizarre twist in local politics, Jefferson County Officials announced today that Klein and Associates, Political Relations, had been hired to assist in cleaning up local corruption."We had some issues here at the courthouse and we needed some help." Said Not Going to Run For County Judge Afterall Nick Lampson. "We didn't know where to turn so we called Philip Klein."
Four and a half sources inside the courthouse who called the Review late last night said that several employees had been endorsing their paychecks with county owned fountain pens.
"I saw one sign her name right there on the end of her check." Said one of the callers. "She took the pen from the supply room. It was definitely a county pen. It was one of the cheap Bic ones that run out of ink in a day or so."
Philip Klein, and The Team to Call When You Really Need to Know, arrived on the scene shortly after lunch and began questioning county workers who were by in large extremely uncooperative.
"I wasn't going to rat out one of my buddies to that fat load of crap." Said a caller to the Review.
Witnesses report that after approximately an hour or so of random questioning of county employees regarding subjects ranging from the mating habits of nutria rats to whether or not the Pink Panther walked with one or two skips between steps, Klein became visibly angry and shot the entire maintenance department.
"Thar wuz a rench messing end nobudy wuld fess up." Klein remarked while reloading his pistol.
The noted investigator then proceeded to Ester's Elegant Whatever In The Hell The Name Of The Cafeteria Is Today and began interrogating the line cooks regarding missing strawberries.
"I tol him that those mess boys, they ates the strawberries but Misser Klein, he jus have it in his head that he knows whats happened." Said Ester Elegant, proprietor of the cafe. "He takes them boys out to the walls and pops em full o caps."
"Thevery frum tha cunty well nut be tulerated." Klein replied, while fondling a set of ball bearings in one hand.
County Commissioners will meet tomorrow to discuss allegations that Tom Maness was seen drinking from a county water cooler after 5:00 p.m. last week.
You bet we will watch this one.
