The STE Political Review has learned that the SET Political Review is reporting that anonymous sources close to both the STE and SET Political Reviews (JESUS STOP!!!!!), The Princeton Review, Roger Egbert's Movie Review, and I Reviewed for my test, are reporting that the corrupt influence of The Gang of Seven has spread over the last twenty four hours."We, r munitrin te kurruptn." Said Philip r. Klein, editor of the SET Political Review. Klein, whose SET Political Review has replaced all mainstream media as America's Number One source (just ask him) for news, weather, sports, and the latest line of chia pets, notes that the infamous Gang of Seven has knocked out virtually all printed newpapers in the last six months.
"Thay r kurrup two." said the renowned editor.
Our own investigative reporter, Beavis has been out in the field:
"Dude, like they're all gone. All of the newspapers. What am I going to use for rolling papers now?" Beavis has learned that the corruption of the Gang of Seven has not only endangered The Beaumont Enterprise but also the following printed circulars:
1. The Philadelphia Daily News
2. The Minneapolis Star Tribune
3. The Miami Herald
4. The Detroit News
5. The Boston Globe
6. The San Francisco Chronicle
7. The Chicago Sun-Times
8. The New York Daily News
9. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram
10. The Cleveland Plain Dealer
Playboy, Poor Richard's Almanac, and the quarterly NAMBLA Reports, seem to be unaffected.
"I don't know how this Gang of Seven does it." said Frank Bennick, Vice President of Hearst. "But their corruption has already knocked out The Seattle Post and even The Christian Science Monitor. I hear MAD Magazine is next."
In a phone call to the Review last night at 3:30 a.m., a spokesman for The Gang of Seven denied responsibility for the fall of the once mighty publishing empire and stated that Philip r. Klein, editor was overreacting because he wasn't invited to the local GOP fundraiser. "He's just mad because they had all you can eat sausage platters." You bet we will watch this one!!!!!!!
