Retards Write

So many this week. Let's get started:
From Ave. F in Nederland:
Sam, I sell Real Estate and somebody stole one of my FOR SALE signs. What can I do?
Dina Michelle
ANSWER: Hey Dina. Boy, thats a terrible problem. I think there is a private investigator down there that investigates that sort of thing. Give him a call. (And you thought the Talk Back Line was anonymous.........)

From Vincent Middle School:

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer: Thanks for reading kids. I think there is a bodyguard service in Nederland. Give him a call.

From Princeton, New Jersey:

I represent Eric Maskin. I have reviewed your posts and the alleged association with "The Philip Kleins. My client formally places you on notice that he considers any association with "the Philip Kleins" libelous and will sue you for all your worth. Cease and desist immediately.

J. Noble Dagget Attorney

Answer: OOPPSS
From Hollywood:

Dear Sam, My name is......well, just call me Dominick. I have a problem. I have a really good friend.....well, I think he.....or is it they....I just don't know sometimes. Anyways, he/they can't ever get my name right. I don't know how to tell him/them without hurting his/their feelings. What should I do?


From Mattel Corp:
Bob Eckert
ANSWER: Thanks Bob. Just remember 'us' when the money starts rolling in......NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam the Eagle