In an effort to boost sagging second quarter profits, toy giant MATTEL annonouced today that it will market an entirely new line of toys.
"We're aggressively going after a whole new market" said Mattel CEO Bob Eckert (gratuitous search engine advertisement). "Nobody has ever marketed a line of toys before aimed at the mentally disturbed. 'We' think 'we' have a winner."
Leading the new drive is 'The Kleinio', a doll loosely based on The Philip Kleins, renowned idiotors of The Southeast Texas Political Review. The doll is around twelve inches long and is loaded with lead paint. A traditional string on the back prompts seven different messages, six of which are fabricated untruths directed toward the doll itself.
"Its something the schizophrenic will enjoy" said Madonna (gratuitous search engine advertisement), head of product development. "'They' see that it is OK to have multiple personalities."
The seventh message on the doll's imbedded sound chip was the source of some controversy. "We had to get a license from the Henson estate." Said Halle Berry (gratuitous search engine advertisement), since the statment is addressed to one of his creations. According to anonymous sources inside the company, who shall remain innomate, the doll threatens to stab one of Jim Henson's muppets with a 'kniv'. Future plans include the creation of dolls based upon Ted Kaczynski, actor/actress Divine, and a guy that followed the Grateful Dead around for twenty seven years.
Some News for the Day
Sam the Eagle
