For some time now, lewd comments have been posted on the internet about KFDM news anchor Kelli Philips. Many of these comments can be found on the Beaumont Underground blog. In cooperation with other local bloggers, Federal and State authorities, and investigators for GEICO Insurance Company, and in conjunction with our litigation styled PHILIP KLEIN AND HIS PERSONALITIES ET AL. v. THE REST OF THE WORLD, the Review has obtained the IP addresses of the lewd and vile posts about sweet, kind Kelli Philips. Five years ago, because we here at the Review are so smart, we hired an IP intelligence tracking firm in Austin, to track the posts that are posted on the internet. Our super smart IP firm has tracked the lewd and vile posts about sweet, kind Kelli Philips to this office building located at 826 Nederland Avenue, Nederland, Texas, home of Klein Investigations--The team to call when you really want to know.
Further surveillance discovered that the lewd and vile posts about sweet, kind Kelli Philips were coming from THIS computer:
Sources inside of Klein Investigations--The team to call when you really want to know, have confirmed to the Review that there are only four people that have access to this computer.
Lucy AKA Desi Lou, Baby Lou, Lou: Lucy has been a Klein operative for several years and was reportedly involved in the infamous drive-by BB-gun shooting. Never far from Philip Klein's side, this dedicated pomeranian will bark like a dog if needed. It is unclear why Philip gave a male dog a female name.
Charlie AKA Brown Dog, CK, Bad Dog: Charlie is the newest agent to join the Klein team having been rescued from the home of a West End Wanda who mistreated the poor creature by feeding him nothing but raw beef fillets and forcing him to spend countless hours watching soap operas in high definition. Charlie hates police officers but loves hanging out in seedy bars trying to pick up feral cats. Charlie is the least likely of the four to have posted lewd and vile comments about sweet, kind Kelli Philips since it was recently discovered that Charlie was in fact an idiot.
Rat AKA Rat: Investigators are unsure what role Rat plays in the Klein organization but it is speculated that Rat simply hangs out at Klein Investigations--The team to call when you really want to know, because there are alot of other rats there.
Philip Klein AKA Philip the Klown, Drunk Weatherman, Mediawatcher, Newsie, Trog 2: The kingpin of the Klein internet operations, Philip "I always sign my name unless I am posting shit about people on The Bayou or Beaumont Underground" Klein, is the most likely suspect to have posted lewd and vile comments about sweet, kind Kelli Philips. He hates KFDM, Bob Philips, Gus Pillsbury, Sam the Eagle, puppies, and everyone that doesn't think he's smarter than a fifth grader. Klein recently revealed that he did in fact create an anonymous website in order to tract posters on the internet leading to speculation that he is also behind the recent rash of panty raids occurring at the girls dorms at Lamar University.
