The Sam the Eagle Political Review has learned today that the entire membership of the Port Arthur Rotary Club killed themselves over the weekend in what is being described as the worst disaster to hit Jefferson County since Rock's Bar in Fannett closed."I just can't believe it!" Said a caller that will call the Review tomorrow. "They're all dead."
The bodies of the Rotarians were discovered late Sunday night by law enforcement agents who described the scene as "very smelly". It was apparent that all had taken their own lives earlier in the day. Family members were shocked.
"He came home from the luncheon on Thursday and complained of a bad headache." Said the cousin of a spouse of one of the directors who we didn't talk to. "Later that night, I found him slamming his head in the car door screaming something about voices of corruption."
Other family members told similar stories.
"There was this guy that spoke at the meeting. He claimed to be able to control people's minds through the internet. Craig just laughed and said he was an idiot but later on, he kept claiming someone was talking to him....but no one was around."
The motive for the mass suicide is still a mystery but sources close to the suicide tell the Review that a note, hastily penned by former President Perry Snell was found at the scene. It read simply.......BEWARE OF KLEIN.
An investigation is pending post discovery.
Our take?
WOW! Simply WOW! Dead Rotarians. Investigations. Fall fun.
In other news:
LAWSUIT UPDATE:
