Heartiest congratulations PhilipOn reaching the big Five-O
You've had a very hard and gruelling life
And Boy! does it show
You never were a cop
though you loved to pull your gun
pretending to be the FBI
was only just for fun
Selling little soft serve
but eating quite a bit
the workers always laughed
cause you were such a dit
Jetting off to Washington
politics is your game
yet twenty years later
no one knows your name
You've crashed a pair of companies
and fumbled several wives
Klein Investigations
will surely take a dive
There's always quite a laugh
when you call yourself 'we'
is there a mouse in your pocket?
or just another personality
You say that you're the 'editor'
of the Political Review
it makes it rather easy
to find the one to sue
When most men turn fifty
they have grown very wise
but from our friend Philip
we hear only lies
So here's to you Philip
don't let the day bring you down
and remember this one thing
you're the laughing stock of town
