Renowned editor of The Southeast Texas Political Review, Philip R. Klein, endorsed the Texas Tech football team last Friday and predicted that they would defeat The University of Nurth Suth Texas 1-0.Undeterred by the fact that there is no University of Nurth Suth Texas and that it is mathematically impossible to score a single, lone point in football (mathematics is not his long suit), Philip went on to give the following motivational words to the players:
"Every person in every walk of life has a defining moment. This is it for TTU! ---Wreck Em!"
The very next day, Texas Tech was defeated by the University of Oklahoma, 65-21.
"I really wish he wouldn't have done that." said Mike Leach, coach of the Red Raiders. "We had a good shot at beating them before the team found out Philip was supporting them."
Anonymous sources close to the team reported that many players wept when they heard that Philip Klein had endorsed them. "Why????" screamed 420 pound freshman linebacker John "the tank" Danforth before collapsing in a pool of his own vomit. Other players were reported walking around the locker room in a daze and humming "Mandy" by Barry Manilow.
Philip Klein, who briefly attended Texas Tech University some thirty years ago and was asked to leave after a petition was signed by over 5,000 students and faculty stating that if he didn't leave, they were quitting, has gained notoriety for predicting the presidency of Fred Thompson, Al Gore, and John F. Kennedy (Historical Note: John F. Kennedy was asassinated in November of 1963 and is thus inelligible to be elected president.)
