Disclaimer: ASK DR. VAN PELT is a registered trademark, patent, 'copywrite' of Sam the Eagle Enterprises INC, ABC, NBA and the Eatafly Foundation. Any and all inferences or implications that The Philip Kleins, their various entities, companies, or personalities that inhabit their psyche are NUTTIER THAN A LOON are purely coincidental. A patient recently wrote me:
Deer Dr. Van Pelt, my wif hez sum sereus angr izzues. She pustid on a pubic wibsite:
"The guy makes a payroll. Sorry. I made a spelling error. Watch Beverly and friends jack off now and say this is Phillip Klein. Fuck you Beverly. Fuck you Sam whomever you are. I am the bitch from hell. You fucked with the kids. I am going to fuck with you.
At least spell the fucking names right if you are going to take shots at his kids. No, I am not Phillip Klein. Leave his kids alone asshole. I am a concerned mother that would like to fucking tear your fucking head off."
I em afreed. Whet shuld I du.
Cuncerned in Nederland
Dear Concerned,
You should be concerned. You spouse has some serious ANGER issues. Do not despair though. There are a wide variety of treatments available for this illness including:
1) cognitive-behavioral therapy designed to help counteract the low self-esteem and negative thinking that often comes with this mental illness;
2) solution-focused techniques to get at the real-life issues that either trigger the release or, conversely, are actually caused by it (e.g., poor job performance, relationship problems i.e. do your affections lie eslewhere???????????.....yes....perhaps they do...........)
psychodynamic techniques to uncover painful or self-defeating patterns that may have originated in childhood;
3) referrals for medication evaluation: antidepressant medication is another "first-line" treatment for depressive episodes; we have medication specialists we work with routinely, or we can work in conjunction with another professional of your own choosing;
4) recommendations for holistic approaches combining body work, herbal remedies.
Remember, if things get TOO bad, call the Nederland Police Department BEFORE it's too late
Dr. Lucy Van Pelt
