Retards Write

So many letters and emails this week. Thanks for all the responses on "The Morsels of Nastiness".
FROM BOMONT: I liv en Dowlin rode end I noo u end wer u liv end I hev a kniv.
ANSWER: .....RIGHT..........silly Philips
FROM MASSACHUSETTS: Sam, thanks for the kind note. I am not dead yet nor do I plan on dying anytime soon. In fact, I will probably get the 2020 Presidential Nomination. Please tell The Philip Kleins that I don't hold it against them for bankrupting a string of Dairy Queens and destroying the lives of innumerable family members.
Ted Kennedy
ANSWER: Thanks Ted.....hope you get to feeling better (unlike some nobodys in Nederland who think you're just another one of those 'smelly little Kennedys')
FROM VINCENT MIDDLE SCHOOL: HELP!!! HELP!!!! How do I get off that silly email list?
William J.
ANSWER: You probably should file a lawsuit. Or call the number at the top of this page.
FROM SARASOTA, FLORIDA: Sam, We love your site.....and we're sorry. We tried.....oh, and do you know anything about some seagulls that #%^%$%#@ on our car?
ANSWER: Thanks for reading. 'We' know its not your fault.....(but then again 'we' now know why hamsters eat their young) don't know anything about any seagulls.